What the woman at the well teaches us about how to talk

Water that gushes

There's a moment in John's Gospel where Jesus sits down at a well, tired and thirsty, and starts talking to someone he shouldn't be talking to. A Samaritan woman. Alone. In the middle of the day. And what follows is one of the most remarkable conversations in all of scripture.

Today I want to look at this passage in two ways. First, what Jesus actually says about water and worship. And second, what the shape of this conversation teaches us about how we talk — to God, about God, and to each other.

Let's start with the water. Jesus says to this woman: "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life" (John 4:13-14, NRSV).

I love that word — gushing. Not still. Not trickling. Gushing. This is life-giving water that moves with force and energy. It connects back to what we explored in Lent 2 around the conversation Jesus has with Nicodemus about being born from above. Mark described it well: the divine realities of God that transcend our current lot and lives, through which we sense the presence of God. The kingdom of God as a flowing — a gushing — of water and spirit.

This is about God's movement. God shifting our realities. God moving us to a place where we recognise the transformative presence at work in our lives. Being born from above. Encountering waters that gush up and greet us.

Worship without walls

Then Jesus does something extraordinary in this conversation. He moves the worshipping space out of our hands. It won't just be in a temple or on a mountain anymore. He says: "The hour is coming when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such as these to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth" (John 4:23-24, NRSV).

This is God's absolute freedom to be God. Wherever God chooses to be. Wherever the Spirit moves. Wherever the Spirit leads. Not confined by denomination or institutional system. The God who breaks into our present, into our now, into our lives — this God is utterly free. Not restricted by our expectations of how God should behave.

And we are invited to enter that freedom. To encounter the reign of God in our lives without trying to contain it first.

A template for real conversation

Now here's where I want to slow down. Because the dynamics of this conversation between Jesus and the Samaritan woman give us something really useful. They give us a template for what healthy conversation looks like — in our faith lives, in our prayer lives, and with each other as we figure out what it means to follow Jesus.

There are five things I see happening in this exchange.

It starts with mutual vulnerability

Jesus is thirsty. He needs something from her. And she needs the water that only Jesus can provide. That's where truthful conversations really need to start — from a place of shared vulnerability. A place that recognises each person risks being known and being seen.

Not one person holding all the cards. Not one person doing all the giving. Both people showing up with something at stake.

Questions that actually mean something

The woman at the well is full of questions. Thoughtful questions. Questions that matter. And these aren't the kind of questions where the answer has already been decided and it's really just my answer against your answer. That's not conversation — that's combat. We see enough of that on media.

These aren't questions asked out of politeness either. They're questions that communicate curiosity. Questions that display a genuine interest in the other person. A longing for understanding. A longing for connection.

And here's the thing: her questions lead Jesus to reveal who he really is. Jesus doesn't just tolerate her questions. He affirms them. He invites them. God wants us to question, because it is questions that strengthen our relationship with God and with each other.

It takes time

Conversations driven by genuine interest don't happen in a hurry. They take time. There will be moments of misunderstanding. Moments where you need to say, "Hold on, can we go back a bit? I'm not quite sure I understand where you're coming from."

The Samaritan woman is confused at first by Jesus and his offer. But she doesn't walk away. She keeps exploring what it means. She stays in the conversation.

Keep an open mind

When it comes to having a conversation with Jesus or about Jesus, expect to be surprised. Expect God to reveal something about God's self that you've never known before. That you've never seen before. That you've never encountered.

An open mind isn't weakness. It's the posture that makes encounter possible.

Anticipate being changed

This is the final piece, and maybe the most important. Anticipate being changed in the process. Being transformed.

Look at what happens to this woman. She goes from being shamed to being a witness. From being an outsider to being a disciple, a follower of Jesus. From being alone and ostracised to being a sheep of Jesus' own fold.

That's what real conversation does. It changes you.

Not just with God

These dynamics — vulnerability, genuine questions, patience, openness, willingness to be changed — they apply to our conversations with God. But they also apply to our conversations with anyone. A shared vulnerability. Being open. Being willing to question. Being willing to have our ideas challenged or shifted a bit.

So many of our conversations with God allow us into that space of vulnerability, of being able to question, of allowing ourselves the time. Sometimes it takes a lot of time just to sit and be and wait. To be open-minded. To be willing to encounter the God of mystery. And then to be free enough to know that we will change. We will be transformed.

May your conversations be filled with the living water of the transforming love of God.

God bless you as you keep talking.

Based on a Saltbush sermon for Lent 3 by Reverend Tim Jensen.